Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

So another holiday season has come to an end and I am sad to report that I think I have come to the conclusion that the holidays will never be able to achieve the ridiculously high expectations I put on them. Every year I am filled with the heady thought that this year will be the year that breaks the trend of less then stellar holiday experiences. I am swept in with the beautiful music and the idea of being filled with joy, thanksgiving, and being blessed. I bop around singing my favorite carols, getting intense joy out finding the perfect gift and start to think that maybe the world is a little brighter then it thought. But then comes the actual holiday time and it never pans out how I expect it to. I end up getting bummed out by the over commercialized gimmy-gimmy attitude of Americans, get pissed about the ridiculous traffic, and overwhelmed by my family. Then I start to feel guilty about no longer being filled with joy, thanksgiving, and hope and that just adds so much to the whole holiday funness. It’s never a bad holiday but it’s never a truly great one either. I just have to learn to accept that just because I love Christmas carols and the ultra-conceptual idea of a perfect family holiday doesn’t mean I love the actuality of the real holiday season.

Basically the holiday season at my house with my family is just very overwhelming. Not to be melodramatic but honestly every time I step into my parent’s house its like I can physically feel a wave of energy crashing into me. Sometimes the energy is exhilarating and just what I need to recharge and sometimes it’s a little like I am drowning in my family. Before you think I am being all judgy, let me say that I am totally willing to own up that a large share of the blame belongs to me. You see, I am relatively low-key and somewhat of a loner so after about 8 hours of my loud outgoing family I am feeling a little overwhelmed and usually needing an escape.

It just that with my family there is always a constant hum of activity. Everywhere you go there is someone and chances are they are doing that something rather loudly. In the living room you will most likely find my father watching television at mind numbingly high volumes as he going deaf. In the kitchen most likely my mom will be cooking while having a conversation with at least one of my siblings. This conversation will be interrupted at least five times by one of my youngest sisters running in and screaming that my brother is bothering them or my sister singing and dancing herself Broadway style into the kitchen to get some milk. Upstairs my grandmother is finding fault with something or someone and someone else is running away from her in tears. Every room has someone, and they are never just sitting there quietly.

And if by some chance you find somewhere to be alone it never fails that within 5 minutes someone will have tracked you down to ask you what you are doing and most likely if you are mad at them. No one in my family seems to get that sometimes I just need some freakin down time. I’m not mad, I am just exhausted. This might be hard to get if you never met them so to clarify I will share that more than once friends have commented that they think of my family after watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” or “Cheaper by the Dozen.” I always love spending time with them but sometimes it reminds me of a George Burns quote, “Happiness is having a large close knit family in another city.” All in all I love them to death and wouldn’t trade them for anything but sometimes you need to vent and if you can’t vent on your blog then where can you?