The crazy thoughts bouncing around my head

So aside from my two posts yesterday I have been completely slack for the past 2 weeks about posting. Yeah, sorry about that. To be completely honest, I have been completely slack about just about everything in my life. I have been feeling super overwhelmed by life in these past 2 weeks with lots of insecurities about future jobs, my research paper, school in general, and relationships both future and present. And thus I have been avoiding writing because I don’t want to be all sad and gloomy and attempting to avoid reality by pushing off working on my paper and pretty much just obsessing about all my worries. I know, I know… super healthy and super productive. Well, I never claimed to be all that bright. So why all the stress? Well let’s break it down:

Jobs: Yeah this should be fairly obvious. I am stressed because I am a planner and I like to have a plan of action in place to follow, yet I have none. Why no plan? Well cause I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life, and that freakin’ sucks! I know that I hate being a law student, yet maybe somehow I will like being a lawyer since it’s supposed to be very different from law school. Either way, I feel rather compelled to get a legal job. I mean I did go to freakin’ law school, at one point I did think I would like it, and what the hell else would I do if I decided I didn't want a legal job?! I keep waffling between thinking that I am just afraid of getting a legal job because I am afraid of being an adult and having a real job and thinking that I should be finding something completely different but am afraid because I often shy away from big risks. Ugh!. Biggest question in all this: How will I fool those people into thinking I am qualified? Ahhh!

Research Paper/ School: So I have procrastinated myself into a corner on this paper. 5 weeks to write a 30 page draft then final paper. And where am I? I have yet to write a single word. I have got to get off my ass about this. I keep putting it off cause I know its going to suck, but really that plan of attack just makes it suck all the worse. Damn you procrastination! And to make it worse in addition to this paper funness I have to study for the MPRE (multi-state professional responsibility exam), take the MPRE, start preparing for exams, and have holiday goodness during this time. Yeah, I am screwed.

Relationships: Yet another area in my life that I can feel insecure about, and the best thing about it…. this insecurity is multi-fold. First there are friend relationships then family relationships, and finally romantic relationships. So on the friend front, things are actually going pretty well. I have found a great group of friends at law school who are fun and make me feel good about myself. Only problem in this area is that one of my best friends from college has pretty much dropped out of my life right now. I have tried to contact her but she hasn’t called back or anything. So this has definitely happened with her before because as much as I love her she can be one of those girls who when she is in a relationship tends to slack about her friends, but damn it still hurts. It definitely brings up worries because in the past I have not been so good at maintaining long-term friendships (I blame a rather nomadic childhood).
Family is definitely also giving me some stress lately. My family kinda breaks down into the older 5 girls (I am the oldest) then the 3 “little kids” (who are now 8, 9, and 12 so not so little anymore)... yeah I know crazy amounts of people. Currently I am somewhat annoyed/frustrated with 3 of the 4 older girls and after 2 weekends in a row of being around the younger kids after their ADHD meds wear off I realize I sometimes have very little patience with them. All I can say is that this situation does not make me feel so good about myself and I am working on it, but it does make me wonder if maybe I am too hard on the people I love. I don’t want to be, but how do I change that?
Finally we come to romantic relationships. So currently I am single and I actually have been for a decent amount of time and I think I’m pretty okay with it. Truth be told I don’t really like dating all that much. I don’t like the games and the getting-to-know-you crap. Sometimes I really do want to be in a relationship but recently I haven’t wanted it enough to really deal with all that bullshit. I am just not a good game player and currently I refuse to learn. Other problem, I am a bit of a loner. I really like my alone time and can feel smothered by people. Sometimes I worry that I will never really be motivated to find someone and get married, but I guess if that happens it won’t really be the end of the world. At least with my allergies to cats, I know that I will never be the crazy cat lady. I think the biggest struggle I am having in this area of my life is the constant pressure to be either seriously dating or married. My grandmother pushes me so hard you would think she has money on it, I see the looks of pity I get from not having a +1 for a party, and this weekend my freakin’ 8 year old sister asked me “do you have a boyfriend YET?” Seriously people, get on off my back about it! If I’m okay with it then can you please get on board.

Okay, wow longest post evah. I am going to stop typing now.

Talking 'Bout My Generation?

"Waiting On The World To Change" by John Mayer

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

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So I’m just really torn about this song. On one hand, I think the melody is beautiful, his voice is as gorgeous as ever and I really like most of the verses of this song as I think they really sum up the struggle our generation is facing as we make our place in the world and find our voice but then on the other hand are the lyrics in the chorus. John totally nails how older generations don’t get us and think that we are a generation of slackers who don’t care but then seems to confirm this generalization by saying that “yeah we see the problems but we are just waiting for change.” I recently read a quote where he talked about the song saying, “It's about a feeling in my generation and why there's a silence right now. And is silence a sanity protective measure, or is it apathy? I think it's probably a protective measure. You only get one heart and once it's jaded you never un-jade it. So, I think we're waiting for the right time to step in, you know?” My question is even if this whole waiting for the right time to step in thing is true, why isn't that time now? What happened to Ghandi’s idea of being the change you wish to see? Why can’t the song that is beginning to be touted by some as our generations’ anthem urge us into action and be a change. Don’t wait…Act!

Things you find out when you are procrastinating paper writing

So dorky confession. As I sat in the library pretending to work on my paper, I realized that I haven't updated recently do to my overwhelming apathy towards pretty much everything so I decided that blogging is much more fun than papers on surrogacy contracts so I set out coming up with a great title. (That post has now been postponed due to this awesome one). Well, I was planning to use the word Amuck in this snazzy eye-catcher of a title but I honestly couldn't remember if it was spelled amuck or amok and since I am one of the worst spellers on the planet and super dorky I used my trusty bookmarked dictionary.com and found out that either is acceptable. Sadly this did make me a little happy knowing that I knew not one but both of the accepted spellings of a word. Seriously, you laugh but you are reading the blog of a girl who made herself sick on spelling bee day in 5th grade to avoid the shame of going down in flames (no easy task if you knew my mother and her stance on school attendance unless you are near death's door) and who dropped a class in undergrad when I found out that in-class writing assignments would be graded with spelling and grammar mistakes heavily factored in. I know the dual spelling all that exciting to normal people, but the more interesting thing about this story (at least in my dorky little mind) is the definition of amuck. According to dictionary.com:
Run or go amuck: to rush about in a murderous frenzy.

Or even better: an episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects usually by a single individual following a period of brooding that has traditionally been regarded as occurring especially in Malaysian culture but is now increasingly viewed as psychopathological behavior occurring worldwide in numerous countries and cultures —amok also amuck adjective or adverb.

Here I was all this time using amuck just thinking that it meant that one was running around in a chaotic kinda way yet evidently its really all about killing people. Awesome.

Legally Blonde?

So I'm thinking about either getting some blonde highlights or going full-on blonde (medium to dark blonde). I feel it might be time for a change as I haven't dyed my hair in over 3 years and I am feeling restless. For those of you who know me (both my coloring and my personality) have thoughts on this? If you hate it then why and would you recommend something else? I need feedback people

Weekend Getaway

So a group of friends and I headed to the North Georgia mountains this weekend for a 3 day break from reality and it was absolutely wonderful. It was just what I needed and by that I mean it was 3 days of hanging out, drinking, random funness, and most importantly forgetting about law school and law school related activities. As much as I love my law school friends, sometime it is just so refreshing to run away and hang out with people who do other things and aren't wrapped up in this warped little world. This weekend was the first time in awhile that I was able to shed all the bitterness, resentment, and constant worry that travels around with me in law school and just relax. It was bliss. So here are a few highlights of the weekend in no particular order.

1) Check-in for our Mountain Cabin:
Rental Lady: Oh, one last thing...be careful going outside after dark
Us: Oh um, is it a bad neighborhood? Like are there gangs?
Rental Lady: Um, no. There are bears.

Yeah, bears. Can we say city kids anyone? Here we are working about gangs and evidently the mountain has a slight bear problem. Good times. Of course we spent the rest of the weekend using bears as a punchline for just about everything. What happened to my keys? Oh the bears must have ate them. Yeah I guess you had to be there for it to be funny.

2) Getting kinda tipsy at the Cork and Crumb. Sampled some great North Georgia wines. If you haven't tried them do so. Best moment of this would be when I realized I hadn't brought my license. Bar guy was just like "What's your birthday real quick like? If I go to jail over you I am going to be pissed" and let me drink anyway. Awesome.

3) Corn Maze. I know it sounds dorky and it totally is but it was super fun. Kevin, Dani, Caleb, and I had a great time even if Caleb and I were horribly bad at navigating. We all agreed that if not for Kevin and Dani ,Caleb and I would have died out there in that maze. Before you judge I would like to point out that it was 5.7 miles of trail over 10 acres and you had to check in at 12 different check points. Yeah it was hard. It was however good times though especially watching other groups mock each other and fight over being lost. Best overheard comment: "Yeah that first couple totally knows what they are doing (K &D) but that other couple (C & I) they are totally clueless." Yep that pretty much summed it up right there. I gave up on trying to read the map about 5 minutes in and just followed and Caleb pretty much gave up too except being a guy felt the need to attempt to look like he knew what the hell was going on when another group got near us. It was great times. I highly recommend if you are a) near a corn maze and b) slightly dorky but in an adorable way

4) Pink Pig BBQ. Yeah it was delicious. Its Jimmy Carter's fav BBQ place and I can see why. Absolutely yummy. I could practically hear my arteries screaming for mercy but I'll just worry about that later.

5) Firepit and s'mores. Need I say more really. S'mores are possibly one of best foods ever created. The only thing that makes them better is alcohol, which we just happened to have tons of on hand.

All and all it was an awesome weekend that also included antique shopping, apple picking, vineyard visiting, Arrested Development watching, and chilling out. Great times!