"Movin Out (Megan's Song)"

First Happy Hanukkah! I know I am a little late as it started on the 15th but its not over till the 23rd so I think I'm still good. Enjoy the yummy potato latkes and other delicious fried Hanukkah foods (and of course the religious aspect of Hanukkah too). How I miss the cultural melting pot of college and being able to take part in Jewish traditions and culture!

So moving day has finally come and as of tomorrow morning I will again be hauling my stuff to my new apartment. As part of my upcoming application to the SC bar, I was recently forced to name all the places I have lived in the past 10 years, and I was a little bit surprised to see that I have managed to 14 different residences! Evidently I was some sort of nomad in a former life! Hopefully soon I will finally be able to settle somewhere for more than a year. So anyways as of tomorrow I will have an abode of my very own. It's sad to leave my currently roomie, but at the same time its really exciting to have an apartment on my own as I have never done so before. Plus in the utmost in dorkiness and laziness I am hella excited to have a dishwasher! I know, I know... I am like an old person.

Finally as I have yet to set up internet or cable for the new digs, this may be my last post for awhile unless of course I can "borrow" a signal from my neighbors or manage to pry the control of the computer away from my siblings. So knowing that, I just want to say Merry Christmas in advance. I hope that everyone one, regardless of religious conviction (or lack there of) has a joyful holiday (be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, something else entirely or just having the day off) that is filled with love and happiness.

A Little Note for My Neighbor

Dear people who live next door to me,

The reason I am writing is to inform you that you are a part of this thing called a neighborhood and thus have these things called neighbors. Neighbors are the people who live near you (like me next door) and thus hear and see things coming from your home and yard. Living in a community and not on an Australian Outback sheep farm means that you are neighbors with others people and thus get certain benefits and certain responsibilities. The benefits include me calling the fire department if your house is on fire, the ability to borrow a cup of sugar, your kids being able to ride the school bus, and living in civilization. However these rewards come with some responsibilities that you are clearly unaware of so let me inform you.
1) turn your f'in music down. No one wants to hear your crappy ass musical taste all the damn time, especially not late at night. Do you hear music blaring from my house? NO, because I have consideration for others. Unless you are deaf (which would pretty much defeat the point of music) turn it down or at the very least close your window for some level of sound proofing. Some people, unlike you evidently, have jobs and commitments and thus need to get some sleep at night.
2) Take control of your children. Sure they seem to be fairly sweet kids most of the time, but evidently you feed them liquid crack for breakfast because every morning at 7ish as they are outside waiting for the bus carrying-on and screaming like possessed rabid animals . If it's my neighborly duty to buy your kids cookie dough or band cheesecake then its yours to make them shut the hell up before the sun comes up.
3) Get a damn muffler for your car! A lack of muffler is annoying all the time, but especially annoying when you insist on driving up and down your driveway multiple times in the middle of the night. If you need same cash for it then sell of one of the 8 gazillion speakers you have for your above mentioned stereo that causes my bed to literally shake at some points.
4) Don't have loud and intense fights outside. Keep those domestic disturbances inside where they belong. I don't want to be woken at 3 in the morning to you yelling at your spouse/ live-in significant other/ baby daddy (or momma)/ or crack ho' you picked up on the corner. And I especially do not want to have to engage in the ethical dilemma of if I should or should not call the police after I hear you threaten to "shoot a bitch" Please just do all of us a favor and go inside.

I could go on but I think you see the point. You are not alone in the neighborhood or for that matter the world. Show a little consideration for your fellow man. Oh and be glad I move next week or I would probably beat you down.

Sincerely,
Apathetic Law Student

Charming Betsy Strikes Again

So evidently Prof. S. is another loyal reader of my blog. I have no actual proof of this but it must be true since a) I said it and b)the Charming Betsy case that I mentioned earlier in the week was featured as a T/F question on our exam this morning. So, Prof. S you're welcome. Next time please let me know what material you will be "borrowing" from me for our exam in advance so I will make sure to include all the stuff I know and not reference all the points I am cloudy on. On the off chance that I am wrong about Prof. S's readership that would mean that I must be clairvoyant. Either way, muhahaha!

Tis the Season (to be bitter, stressed-out, and angry at the world)

Yes my friends its that time again... exam time. Basically here is the break down of my life from last Friday till next Thursday: Interview, study, pretend to study, study, procrastinate, pretend to study, study, exam, nap, take night off, study, pretend to study, clean something to avoid studying, study, give up for night, study, do laundry to avoid studying, get free pizza, study, do more laundry, study and on and on and on with the same type routine (minus the interview). During this time I tend to eat food that is unhealthy,not get enough sleep, stress extensively, and be even more catty and mean than usual. All and all I am sure that I am just a joy to be around.
So first thing, I am sure that all you faithful readers (all 8 of you) are just dying to know about my interview. So here is the scoop... I have no clue how it went. It was kinda strange cause he was pretty unreadable, and it was kinda like I walked in with him having the assumption that I sucked and me having to prove that I didn't. "So you went to ABC University, huh... that's kinda strange" "So I see you were the vice-president of the Pre-Law Society, why not president?" He wasn't mean, but it just kinda felt like he didn't particularly want to like me and I had to sell myself big time, but I have talked to some other interviewees that they had pretty much similar experiences. So who knows. Additionally he asked some weird questions I didn't really expect. The strangest probably being what my parents did for a living. What are you planning on giving me bonus points or demerits if my parents are attorneys? What about if they are construction workers or bus drivers... does that help me or hurt me? I swear if I don't get this job on the sole basis of my parent's chosen professions of paramedic and teacher I will choke a bitch! Not that I am counting on getting the job, especially since I heard today that the judge interviewed a total of 25 people for the position, but I'm just saying. Anyway, I should find out in early to mid January so I'll keep you posted.
In other news I have one exam done, and 3 more to go. Motivation to study has been hard to come by but hopefully it is going to all pan out. Hopefully I will be able to get off my ass and be the study bug I sorta-kinda-maybe want to be. Really, I just want to not suck hard and fail. I am officially in the 3L slump.

I have one exam that I am pretty stressed about on Monday cause the prof is just super brilliant and has pretty high standards. Also, I didn't do so hot the last time I took an exam of his and the class is freakin choke full of annoying 2L gunners. I swear those kids are freakin cutthroat and scary. They will turn on another student in a second and have no problem doing hours of extra work in an attempt to gain even a scrap of praise or what they see as a slight advantage over a classmate. Every freakin day in class I would hear something like the following.
Gunner: "So Prof. S, I was reading last night in a rare manuscript I found from 1631 regarding Italy's acceptance of French ships in their ports as long as they were painted purple, and I was wondering if that could be used to establish customary law on that particular issue and allow for a French merchant to win a suit in American courts under the Alien Tort Claims Act?"
Prof. S: "Well that is an interesting question but since we are discussing the jurisdictional issues of the Alien Tort Claims Act, I think the better use of time would be to focus on when and if that merchant would have standing to bring the case in the US. If you want to discuss your question, I think it would be best if you came by my office hours instead."

Most times their comments are horribly off topic but sometime these kids stay up nights studying to find out little details about the Vienna Convention or a little known fact about the Charming Betsy case and come off looking like some sort of international scholar. Honestly I just don't freakin' care that much to be that far up a prof's ass. So if they pull out those crazy little tidbits that miraculously fall in topic, I am pretty screwed. I'm just hoping that they will all get so lost in their little quirky comments that they will miss the big picture and I will have a chance.
I am also a bit worried about my exam on on Wednesday(Professional Responsibility) because my professor is evidently operating on a different plane of existence that has no actual basis in reality and he just takes day trips into the real world to teach our class and spout his nonsense. Oh, and did I mention that unlike pretty much every PR prof evah, he will not be using MPRE (multistate professional responsibility exam) style multiple choice but instead it will be all essay. Yeah, its going to be pretty damn crappy. But on the plus side after Wednesday I will never have to deal with the prof ever again. Hooray!!
My final exam for the semester is on Thursday and I can't really work myself up to be concerned. I think I have a really good grasp of the material and my only slight concern is making my answers fit the stance my professor has on juvenile issues. We are pretty much diametrically opposed on most issues raised in class. Most specifically rehabilitation. She is very pro rehabilitation for almost all juvenile offenders even a 17 year old who kills his father in cold blood, establishes an alibi, hides the evidence, and then proceeds to make up numerous fairly believable stories to the police. I, on the other hand, 1) don't really believe in rehabilitation for those who commit serious offenses, 2) don't think that the criminal system is really set up for realistic opportunities for rehabilitation, 3) think that the "kid" in that case is not really a "kid" at all and should have been tried as an adult. Sigh.. I guess I am just going to have to dig down through my layers of cynicism and real world experience and find the warm squishy place that believes that people are inherently good......................yeah or I could just fake it.
Well some good news to finish up this somewhat angry post. I passed the MPRE! Woohoo! It was an exciting point of goodness in this bleak exam season. To add to the goodness, all my friends who took it also passed. Hooray!! It's nice to know that it is finished and evidently I am fairly ethical (or at least not horribly unethical)!
So nothing else new really happening. Just exam crap and looking forward to the Christmas/New Years season. I can't wait for the holiday parties, the holiday cheer, and getting to see friends and family. And its finally getting chilly and, gasp, even cold. I love it! Its finally feeling like winter and the holiday season! Even in my exam gloominess I am enjoying the weather, yummy warm beverages, and my awesome holiday playlist. How I love you holiday season! I can't wait to fully enjoy you once exams are behind me!

"Pick me, Choose me, Employ me"

So boys and girls the time has finally come...I have my first real adult job interview this Friday. It’s for a clerkship with a circuit court judge and I am primarily excited and nervous yet somehow still a little apathetic. The first worry is the interview itself... What writing sample is the right one? How will I convince someone I am capable and qualified when I don't feel that I am either? Basically in 3 days I have to create the Me that is excited about the law, intelligent, ready to take on any challenge, self-confident, and excited to be a lawyer and hide the Me that is apathetic, bitter, disillusioned about the legal system, and so full of doubts about my legal abilities that it is amazing I function. In essence I must rediscover the "me" that got accepted to law school and has since been beaten into submission by 3 years of school, summer legal experience, and getting to know more attorneys. And to add to it, exams start next week so my forthcoming obsession about preparing for the interview then over analyzing every word said will directly interfere with my already lacking exam preparation. Ugh.
Now on to the job itself: On one hand, clerkships are good experience, look good on resumes and it means I won't have to work at a soul-sucking firm. The job seems like it could be okay and at the very least it has good M-F 8-5 hours, state benefits, and the state holiday schedule. But on the hand, I'm still not sure I even want a legal job never mind a job with a judge, and by taking the interview I have basically said that if he picks me I will take the job. It doesn't sound all that exciting (but truthfully no legal jobs do) and it could be really intense. Clearly this guy likes the law and knows more than a bit about it. How will I be able to survive a year or two of a job where I am expected to actually know the law? Will this just beat out the small amount of self-confidence I have left regarding my intelligence and ability to have a career? I don't want to bite off more than I can chew and end up sucking. Then again maybe I will know the law by the time the bar rolls around and clerkships are usually classified as learning experiences. Sigh... decisions.
Ultimately I know this interview is a good thing and I hope I get the job. It would be amazing to no longer have the lack of job dangling over my head like the Sword of Damocles. It would be nice to have something in my future settled and to be able to plan knowing what my financial situation will be like and where I will be living. Logically, I know I have a decent shot and obviously I don't suck too badly or I wouldn't have even gotten an interview, but that is hard to truly believe. I just have to ignore my insecurities and be bold.

"As Professional Responsibilty Turns"

Today's Very Special Episode: The Anti-Teacher's Pet*

Professor: You (as he points at me) what is interests conflict?
Me (barely even conscious, never mind paying attention) : A conflict between two interests.
Prof: Um, yes that is true, but how about a more expansive definition.
Me: Well when you as a lawyer have one interest and your client has another, thus a conflict.
Prof: Not exactly, how did we describe this earlier this class period?
Me: Yeah sorry, I got nothin'.

And that, my friends, is pretty much a nutshell of how I roll now that I am a 3L. And evidently this lack of caring has been met with open arms by my classmates as 3 people have already come up to me telling me that this exchange is the highlight of their PR semester. Yep that's me, Apathetic Law Student, making law student's lives a little brighter one smart-ass apathetic comment at a time.

* This episode was brought to you by the letters F and U

A forgotten generation

So in honor of Veteran's Day tomorrow. I thought I would post this New York Times article:

Taps for WWI veterans

I can't claim credit for finding it (Chris' blog) or writing it (a journalist named Lisa Hoffman) but I can tell everyone to read it. It is amazing to think of what these men did for our country and how quickly they were forgotten. They are the few remaining members of a truly amazing generation that often gets overlooked and under appreciated. They have lived through some of the most monumental moments in our countries history. These men remind us of how far our country (and in some ways the world) has come yet how far it has left to go. They have so much to teach us but there are very few left to pass the message on. Hopefully we can start listening before there is no one left.

Crazy Times

Well it has been some crazy times since my last post. I have been pretty sick and have discovered that I am pretty allergic to my roommates dogs (well one of them) so I will be moving. It is much sadness but my roomie has been really awesome about it all and its not like we are going to not hang out with each other all the time. So the last week of so has been full of apartment hunting and freaking out about when I could possibly handle moving. After some big misses (ie the apartment that my father said could turn into a fiery inferno of death) I have finally found one. I think its pretty nice, I know people who live in the complex and don't hate it and my father approved of the location (which is a giant hurdle). And best of all, I should be able to both pay the rent and eat, which is something thats value cannot be diminished. Besides the escape from the runny nose and itchy eyes I think tone of the things I am looking most forward to is a dishwasher. How sad am I? I have always been a little hesitant to live in an apartment complex because I like the originality of old houses that have been made into apartments or small little independent blocks of apartments, but honestly I was just freakin tired of looking and decided that I can deal without the charm of a cute little apartment if it means finally having something in my life settled. So the application has been filled out and the security deposit and administration fee paid. Hopefully come late December I will be moving in.
Um... other news. Well, I am officially blonde now and I love it. Its a medium to dark blonde base with two different shades of light blonde highlights. It took forever to get it done (read 3.5 hours in that salon chair) and was hella expensive, but I don't care cause I love it so much. I am also wearing my hair straight now (and almost never in a ponytail ) so its a pretty big change for me. I like the color, I like the cut, and most of all I like that I don't get confused with an 18 -20 year old anymore. I know that eventually I will be glad that I look young but right now I am just damn tired of being confused with a stupid little undergrad.

Another exciting bit is that I have finally buckled down and started working on my paper. I have put myself on a pretty tight deadline and hopefully I will get it all done. It won't be fun, but I just keep thinking about how sweet it will be when I am finally finished with it. In other school news, I have a pretty crap schedule for next semester as I decided to suck it up and take 2 or 3 classes that cover material on the bar. I am sure it will be kinda hellish but hopefully it will make studying for the bar a little less horrifying this summer, and its not all sadness I will be taking a class on children in the courts and hopefully a family law internship so those should help balance out my schedule. Currently I am also signed up for an accounting class for attorneys next semester so watch out world yours truly is going to be working with numbers. This can only lead to tragedy and tears. Whose tragedy and tears it will be has yet to be determined.

Well that is it for now. PR (professional responsibility for you non-lawyers) is coming to a close so my post must end. And before you ask yes I am aware of the irony of doing the unprofessional act of blogging during my PR class, but believe me if you were in here you would be surfing the web too.

The crazy thoughts bouncing around my head

So aside from my two posts yesterday I have been completely slack for the past 2 weeks about posting. Yeah, sorry about that. To be completely honest, I have been completely slack about just about everything in my life. I have been feeling super overwhelmed by life in these past 2 weeks with lots of insecurities about future jobs, my research paper, school in general, and relationships both future and present. And thus I have been avoiding writing because I don’t want to be all sad and gloomy and attempting to avoid reality by pushing off working on my paper and pretty much just obsessing about all my worries. I know, I know… super healthy and super productive. Well, I never claimed to be all that bright. So why all the stress? Well let’s break it down:

Jobs: Yeah this should be fairly obvious. I am stressed because I am a planner and I like to have a plan of action in place to follow, yet I have none. Why no plan? Well cause I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life, and that freakin’ sucks! I know that I hate being a law student, yet maybe somehow I will like being a lawyer since it’s supposed to be very different from law school. Either way, I feel rather compelled to get a legal job. I mean I did go to freakin’ law school, at one point I did think I would like it, and what the hell else would I do if I decided I didn't want a legal job?! I keep waffling between thinking that I am just afraid of getting a legal job because I am afraid of being an adult and having a real job and thinking that I should be finding something completely different but am afraid because I often shy away from big risks. Ugh!. Biggest question in all this: How will I fool those people into thinking I am qualified? Ahhh!

Research Paper/ School: So I have procrastinated myself into a corner on this paper. 5 weeks to write a 30 page draft then final paper. And where am I? I have yet to write a single word. I have got to get off my ass about this. I keep putting it off cause I know its going to suck, but really that plan of attack just makes it suck all the worse. Damn you procrastination! And to make it worse in addition to this paper funness I have to study for the MPRE (multi-state professional responsibility exam), take the MPRE, start preparing for exams, and have holiday goodness during this time. Yeah, I am screwed.

Relationships: Yet another area in my life that I can feel insecure about, and the best thing about it…. this insecurity is multi-fold. First there are friend relationships then family relationships, and finally romantic relationships. So on the friend front, things are actually going pretty well. I have found a great group of friends at law school who are fun and make me feel good about myself. Only problem in this area is that one of my best friends from college has pretty much dropped out of my life right now. I have tried to contact her but she hasn’t called back or anything. So this has definitely happened with her before because as much as I love her she can be one of those girls who when she is in a relationship tends to slack about her friends, but damn it still hurts. It definitely brings up worries because in the past I have not been so good at maintaining long-term friendships (I blame a rather nomadic childhood).
Family is definitely also giving me some stress lately. My family kinda breaks down into the older 5 girls (I am the oldest) then the 3 “little kids” (who are now 8, 9, and 12 so not so little anymore)... yeah I know crazy amounts of people. Currently I am somewhat annoyed/frustrated with 3 of the 4 older girls and after 2 weekends in a row of being around the younger kids after their ADHD meds wear off I realize I sometimes have very little patience with them. All I can say is that this situation does not make me feel so good about myself and I am working on it, but it does make me wonder if maybe I am too hard on the people I love. I don’t want to be, but how do I change that?
Finally we come to romantic relationships. So currently I am single and I actually have been for a decent amount of time and I think I’m pretty okay with it. Truth be told I don’t really like dating all that much. I don’t like the games and the getting-to-know-you crap. Sometimes I really do want to be in a relationship but recently I haven’t wanted it enough to really deal with all that bullshit. I am just not a good game player and currently I refuse to learn. Other problem, I am a bit of a loner. I really like my alone time and can feel smothered by people. Sometimes I worry that I will never really be motivated to find someone and get married, but I guess if that happens it won’t really be the end of the world. At least with my allergies to cats, I know that I will never be the crazy cat lady. I think the biggest struggle I am having in this area of my life is the constant pressure to be either seriously dating or married. My grandmother pushes me so hard you would think she has money on it, I see the looks of pity I get from not having a +1 for a party, and this weekend my freakin’ 8 year old sister asked me “do you have a boyfriend YET?” Seriously people, get on off my back about it! If I’m okay with it then can you please get on board.

Okay, wow longest post evah. I am going to stop typing now.

Talking 'Bout My Generation?

"Waiting On The World To Change" by John Mayer

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

----------
So I’m just really torn about this song. On one hand, I think the melody is beautiful, his voice is as gorgeous as ever and I really like most of the verses of this song as I think they really sum up the struggle our generation is facing as we make our place in the world and find our voice but then on the other hand are the lyrics in the chorus. John totally nails how older generations don’t get us and think that we are a generation of slackers who don’t care but then seems to confirm this generalization by saying that “yeah we see the problems but we are just waiting for change.” I recently read a quote where he talked about the song saying, “It's about a feeling in my generation and why there's a silence right now. And is silence a sanity protective measure, or is it apathy? I think it's probably a protective measure. You only get one heart and once it's jaded you never un-jade it. So, I think we're waiting for the right time to step in, you know?” My question is even if this whole waiting for the right time to step in thing is true, why isn't that time now? What happened to Ghandi’s idea of being the change you wish to see? Why can’t the song that is beginning to be touted by some as our generations’ anthem urge us into action and be a change. Don’t wait…Act!

Things you find out when you are procrastinating paper writing

So dorky confession. As I sat in the library pretending to work on my paper, I realized that I haven't updated recently do to my overwhelming apathy towards pretty much everything so I decided that blogging is much more fun than papers on surrogacy contracts so I set out coming up with a great title. (That post has now been postponed due to this awesome one). Well, I was planning to use the word Amuck in this snazzy eye-catcher of a title but I honestly couldn't remember if it was spelled amuck or amok and since I am one of the worst spellers on the planet and super dorky I used my trusty bookmarked dictionary.com and found out that either is acceptable. Sadly this did make me a little happy knowing that I knew not one but both of the accepted spellings of a word. Seriously, you laugh but you are reading the blog of a girl who made herself sick on spelling bee day in 5th grade to avoid the shame of going down in flames (no easy task if you knew my mother and her stance on school attendance unless you are near death's door) and who dropped a class in undergrad when I found out that in-class writing assignments would be graded with spelling and grammar mistakes heavily factored in. I know the dual spelling all that exciting to normal people, but the more interesting thing about this story (at least in my dorky little mind) is the definition of amuck. According to dictionary.com:
Run or go amuck: to rush about in a murderous frenzy.

Or even better: an episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects usually by a single individual following a period of brooding that has traditionally been regarded as occurring especially in Malaysian culture but is now increasingly viewed as psychopathological behavior occurring worldwide in numerous countries and cultures —amok also amuck adjective or adverb.

Here I was all this time using amuck just thinking that it meant that one was running around in a chaotic kinda way yet evidently its really all about killing people. Awesome.

Legally Blonde?

So I'm thinking about either getting some blonde highlights or going full-on blonde (medium to dark blonde). I feel it might be time for a change as I haven't dyed my hair in over 3 years and I am feeling restless. For those of you who know me (both my coloring and my personality) have thoughts on this? If you hate it then why and would you recommend something else? I need feedback people

Weekend Getaway

So a group of friends and I headed to the North Georgia mountains this weekend for a 3 day break from reality and it was absolutely wonderful. It was just what I needed and by that I mean it was 3 days of hanging out, drinking, random funness, and most importantly forgetting about law school and law school related activities. As much as I love my law school friends, sometime it is just so refreshing to run away and hang out with people who do other things and aren't wrapped up in this warped little world. This weekend was the first time in awhile that I was able to shed all the bitterness, resentment, and constant worry that travels around with me in law school and just relax. It was bliss. So here are a few highlights of the weekend in no particular order.

1) Check-in for our Mountain Cabin:
Rental Lady: Oh, one last thing...be careful going outside after dark
Us: Oh um, is it a bad neighborhood? Like are there gangs?
Rental Lady: Um, no. There are bears.

Yeah, bears. Can we say city kids anyone? Here we are working about gangs and evidently the mountain has a slight bear problem. Good times. Of course we spent the rest of the weekend using bears as a punchline for just about everything. What happened to my keys? Oh the bears must have ate them. Yeah I guess you had to be there for it to be funny.

2) Getting kinda tipsy at the Cork and Crumb. Sampled some great North Georgia wines. If you haven't tried them do so. Best moment of this would be when I realized I hadn't brought my license. Bar guy was just like "What's your birthday real quick like? If I go to jail over you I am going to be pissed" and let me drink anyway. Awesome.

3) Corn Maze. I know it sounds dorky and it totally is but it was super fun. Kevin, Dani, Caleb, and I had a great time even if Caleb and I were horribly bad at navigating. We all agreed that if not for Kevin and Dani ,Caleb and I would have died out there in that maze. Before you judge I would like to point out that it was 5.7 miles of trail over 10 acres and you had to check in at 12 different check points. Yeah it was hard. It was however good times though especially watching other groups mock each other and fight over being lost. Best overheard comment: "Yeah that first couple totally knows what they are doing (K &D) but that other couple (C & I) they are totally clueless." Yep that pretty much summed it up right there. I gave up on trying to read the map about 5 minutes in and just followed and Caleb pretty much gave up too except being a guy felt the need to attempt to look like he knew what the hell was going on when another group got near us. It was great times. I highly recommend if you are a) near a corn maze and b) slightly dorky but in an adorable way

4) Pink Pig BBQ. Yeah it was delicious. Its Jimmy Carter's fav BBQ place and I can see why. Absolutely yummy. I could practically hear my arteries screaming for mercy but I'll just worry about that later.

5) Firepit and s'mores. Need I say more really. S'mores are possibly one of best foods ever created. The only thing that makes them better is alcohol, which we just happened to have tons of on hand.

All and all it was an awesome weekend that also included antique shopping, apple picking, vineyard visiting, Arrested Development watching, and chilling out. Great times!

Kevin Bacon Can Kiss My Ass!

I swear to goodness anywhere I go there Kevin Bacon and his film crew are getting in my way. For those of you that either don't live here in Colatown or do but have been living under a rock, Kevin Bacon is filming here in town and he is evidently determined to inconvenience me as much as possible. I would write more but my friend Ellis has done a better job conveying his hatred of Mr. Bacon so I will just direct you to his two posts. Check out his blog The Mixocologist for all the anti-Kevin Bacon goodness.

Things that make me want to beat down other law students -part 1

FYI: These annoyances are in no real order than how they pop up in my head. And be prepared I am in a bitter rant kind of a mood.

#1
Annoying and bitchy girls who get married over the summer (particularly between 2L and 3L) who then lord their newly married status over everyone and anyone like they somehow managed to broker world peace or have become the great and powerful Oz. I mean seriously people get over it. You got married. Hurrah. So did like a zillion other people and most of them have not let it go to their head. But you oh bitchy one, have no problem calling out students and professors alike for committing the unforgivable act of referring to you by a name that up until about 3 months ago you had gone by for your entire freakin life. Truth be told you only have about a 50% shot of not getting divorced anyway. Now add your bitchy superior attitude and that stat probably takes a freakin nose dive. So calm the f down. If you couldn't be bothered to get your lazy ass down to the registrar at some point to inform them of your new name and have the roster updated, then don't be pissed when your professors and classmates fail to consult their magical crystal ball to figure out that now you (who is listed on the role as Ms. Buffay) will now only answer to Mrs. Banana-Hammock. It's not an f'in Greek tragedy and its not going to shake the very foundation of our society for you to just answer when your professor asks for Ms. Buffay. We all know that its still you. Its not like you joined the witness protection program. You just got married. Grow-up and stop giving married people a bad name.

Editor's Note: I would like to point out that I have no problem with all the women who did tell the registrar and had their name changed. More power to you to go by your new married name. I appreciate that you took the time to go through the proper steps and that while you prefer your married name you will most likely still answer to your maiden name. You are not the people this rant is referring to.


#2
1Ls who on the first day of classes form study groups in the common area. There are so many things wrong with this. 1st: the common area (especially in the first week) is for socializing not for serious studying so stop glaring at the rest of us over your Torts book and the Emanuel's you only bought cause some random 2L you met in the bookstore told you it was awesome. If you insist on being that study oriented already then find somewhere else. We are not going to be quiet for you. 2nd: why are you already breaking up into study groups? You have no idea if these people are: a) idiots, b) assholes, c) remotely similar in studying techniques, or d) have the same basic law school philosophy as you: slacker, gunner, or a mix of the two. 3rd: why would you brand yourself as a 1L? You are probably already giving off the "I'm scared out of my mind and am completely lost" vibe, why are you adding to that by being a study bug on the first day. Do you have an overwhelming desire to be mocked?

#3

People who only ask you what you are going to do after law school just so they can pretty much cut you off to tell you all about their fabulous post-graduation job offer. These people seem to get a perverse sort joy of hearing you say you don't know and then you can physically feel their attitude of smug superiority. All I have to say is Hooray for you! I am glad that you have a job and honestly I hope it is a good fit for you. I hope that if you are an asshole (which chances are high you are since you just pulled the "ask about you only to highlight how awesome I am" move) you are rewarded with a job at a firm that is filled with other assholes so you can make each other miserable. I hope that you get exactly what you have worked so hard to get: cut-throat competitiveness, backstabbing, 90 hour work weeks, tiny dark cubicles, angry bitter superiors, and fellow associates that would gladly throw you under the bus if it meant a scrap of positive reinforcement from a partners. Congratulations baby, you earned it! So you just go on looking down on me for not having a job yet. In twenty years we shall see who has the drinking problem and 3 failed marriages and who has the last laugh after all.

Embarassing Moment of the Day

So I may or may not have accidently sent a print job to the Westlaw printer for 855 pages. Awesome. And the best thing about it I may or may not have been working on a draft for my post on people at law school who annoy me. People now included on that list: people like me who print 800+ pages.

Quick Updates

1) Hooray! My computer has come back to me with a new wireless card and a brand new spiffy monitor cause evidently mine was about a month away from just falling off. Now the only problem is that my power cord is trying to die on me. I swear if its not one thing its another with me.

2) I'm having one of those life is beating me down kinda weeks so far. I am going to try and have a real post but right now I am sorta drowning.

3) Unless something else super big happens that I need to rant about my next rant will be about one of the groups of people I hate most at the the school: Bitchy newly married girls that just got married over the summer and failed to bring her sorry ass down to the registrar to change her last name yet still have the nerve to get hella pissed when anyone (including professors) fails to magically know her new and improved married name. Just thinking about it gets me angry.

Computer Sadness

So much to my dismay and inconvenience, my computer has been sent to the Best Buy lab in an attempt to nurse it back to health. It will be there for about 3 weeks so currently I am forced to go back to the old school method of pen and paper notes and mootching off my roomie (or slacking at work) for computer time. It sucks and will greatly hinder my researching (for the research paper that I swore to myself I would finish this summer yet have barely started) but it could always be worse because at least its not during exams. Sigh...you never realize how much you are totally dependent on your computer until its cruelly ripped from your hands. Oh, and on a disturbing note, the Best Buy guy said that he thinks I might emit some sort of pulse that negatively effects electronic devices. Nifty, huh?

Adorkable

So my friend Ellis is constantly says "I invented that" or "It's a scientific fact" about things that are completely untrue just to be funny. Okay I realize it deesn't sound funny when I type it like that but he says things like, "Oh Japanese, yeah I invented that...the people, not the language." Trust me its super funny.
So the other day, I said that someone was "adorkable" (which is one of my favorite words) and I found myself having to explain to a group of people what it meant. I realized that I always have to do that because, wait for it, I did indeed invent it. My friend Dani and I are the creative forces behind this word as we invented it together about 2 years ago. What is adorkable you ask? Well, adorkable is a guy (or I guess girl but I always use it when referring to a guy) who is cute but in a dorky kinda way thus he is adorkable. This guy is not classically good looking but he has something about him that makes you really like him he is normally either skinny or slightly overweight and almost always super funny. Examples of this are Zach Braff, Adam Brody, or TJ Knight (George from Grey's)

Update: I wrote the above earlier in the week but accidently hit the save draft button instead of publish, but since then there has been a shocking turn. By chance I decided to google my (and Dani's) word only to find out that its freakin everywhere! I'm serious... its in the urban dictionary, people's blogs, and there are even t-shirts! How did Dani and my brilliance spread so far? And a better question, where is our recognition (and money from t-shirt sales)? We should have copyrighted it when we had the chance. So world you can go ahead use our word and pretend like you were so clever to think it up, but I will know the truth. Dani and I invented adorkable and that is a scientific fact!

On like Donkey Kong!

So today was day 2 of orientation for the 1Ls at my school and I got roped into volunteering to help for orientation. Fine, whatever. I volunteered not because of the students on the orientation committee but instead because the staff member in charge of it might just be the sweetest person I have ever had the priviledge to meet and I swear if she asked me to run into a burning building for her I would most likely do it. So for my troubles of helping out today as well as 2 other days, she ordered an extra orientation t-shirt and gave it to me. Well today I showed up wearing said shirt and found out that evidently due to some issues there were a number of mentors who did not get one. Well that is all sad and everything but I knew that my shirt had been especially ordered for me so I went along to my station. Well, a little later a mentor, who is a 2L that I didn't really know that well but honestly hadn't really loved the few times I met her, walked up to me and was like, "You know about the t-shirt shortage right? So where did you get yours?" in this really snippy and accusatory attitude. That's right people, bitch just heavily implied that I stole a freakin t-shirt!! Well I managed to be somewhat civil as I informed her that I had been given one by above mentioned staff member for all the work I had put into helping with orientation even though I am not a mentor and thus it is not my job. I swear to goodness if my roomie hadn't been there to calm me down it would have been on like Donkey Kong! Where did her snooty ass get off implying that I had just helped myself to one? I mean seriously its not like she bothered to climb down off her high horse to help put together binders or any of a number of other tasks that should have been done by the people who signed up for the job in the first place. Nothing bothers me more than people who sign up for things just to pad their resume then don't put in the effort to do a good job, except stuck-up bitches who then act all superior to those that have to pick up their slack. Grr and now I remember why I don't like law schoolers and can't wait to freakin leave.

Baby, oh Baby!

Update on my wish for a baby: Upon further reflection I have realized that although I do want a baby before I am thirty, I think I was just saying that I want a baby because a baby represents a fantasy world where I wouldn't have to get a job next year. Saying I want a baby is just an easier way of saying that I want to avoid the stress and insecurity that comes along with job hunting, and instead have my fantasy life where an adorable, successful, and completely head-over-heels in love with me guy asks me to marry him and have ten thousand of his babies (okay maybe just 2 or 3) and best of all says "Honey, if you don't want to be a lawyer that's okay with me. I'll support us while you stay at home with the kids or volunteer doing something you really love." The feminist in me cringes that I even have that fantasy never mind voice it, but it is true. However, feminist voice or not, it doesn't really matter what my fantasy future entails because its just that, fantasy. Even as I type I am in the process of looking for jobs and not once have I found a listing for a prince charming looking for his princess. But then again, I think the feminist in me might not be so good at being a princess anyway.

Adulthood

This weekend was a big family weekend as all of my siblings managed to be able to hang at my parents house. Aside from the inevitable sibling issues that crop up (because it doesn't matter how old we get after we have been at my parents house for more than 3 hours all together we revert back to some of the petty bickering and snide remarks of our childhood/teenage years) it was a good time. However, it did force me to come to the scary conclusion that I am in fact 25 years old and that equals adulthood.
On my drive over I realized that after this year things are really going to change. Next year, my sister and I will both have graduated from college and law school, respectively and will be goodness knows where depending on where employment opportunities land us and two more of my sisters will be in college. That means my sisters and I are going to be getting real jobs, and real lifelong (hopefully) relationships, and the building of our own families. Leaving for college never bothered me cause I knew that my family would be at home when I came back to visit, but now I realize that is about to change... not all of the family I want to go back to visit will be there. This year may be the last year that we all are present for holiday celebrations and that is just depressing. Soon one or more of us will be calling with the whole "I'd love to come Mom but I have a deadline/ promised to spend this year with his family/ have a sick baby that I don't want to travel with" Ugh. We even had a crazy conversation about what our kids are going to call my parents. That idea used to seem so far away but now I realize its right around the corner. It not bad just different.

And the real shocker of the weekend... I realized that I am really aching for a baby. And that my friends has me terrified! More on that to come.

Always Look on the Brightside of Life

So I am trying to follow the advice of Monty Python and indeed develop a sunnier outlook on life. To do so I am attempting to be more positive. You know, that whole see the glass half-full deal. Thus far it seems to be working fairly well as I am having a pretty good day. It all started cause I will feeling more that a bit miserable about work and I felt like I was a little grey rain cloud of doom whenever I talked to anyone about anything remotely dealing with work. Maybe I didn't actually project that attitude or maybe I did but it was definitely bumming me out and making me less happy in general so it had to go.
So I decided to go with that whole "fake it till you make it" approach as in just smile and say something nice while pretending I don't want to beat down the lawyer I work with and run out of the office screaming that I quit when I really want nothing more than to do just that. But here is the shocker for the first time in awhile I haven't felt like that all day, in fact, I am really enjoying being at work. I started off being determined to just fake that I was happy but I am finding that I actually am more upbeat. When you force yourself to smile and find the silver lining enough, you start to feel those positive thoughts creep into your head without you even willing them there. Hum, who knew all those Little Mary Sunshine folks were right? Now don't get me wrong its not like I completely hated all aspects of work or was constantly sad and depressed instead I was just getting so wrapped up in the bad things that I was ignoring all the good things. Or maybe its just an off day and I am just having an higher than normal tolerance level. Who knows...
An example of my new found positiveness is my handling of my cell phone meltdown. My cell phone has been dying a long and painful death for a while and I finally decided today that I would have to bite the bullet and call the insurance company to issue me a replacement. I sat thru the 20 minutes of crap where you have to verify your information like 400 times and drink a glass of water while standing on your head singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' in order to get the company to agree to ship me out a new phone that doesn't attempt to self-implode every other second. Now normally I would be kinda annoyed that I have to pay $5 per month only to have to pay an additional $50 "deductible" to get a new phone, but instead I am just so freakin excited that I will have a phone that will not spazz out on me all the freakin time. Hoorah!
Although I will say the one area in which my new found attempt at positiveness has not caught on is in the driving/road rage area. Today on the way back from the court house there was a car in front of me that had a "W: The President" sticker, a "Marriage = 1 Man and 1 Woman" sticker, a yellow ribbon magnet (the support the troops one) that had been turned sideways so that it would look the the Jesus Fish (just for clarity I have no problem with the support the troups ribbon although I feel they have just become trendy and I think there are better ways to support the troops than stick a little ribbon magnet on your car , especially one made in Korea, but that is for another day) and a "Keep the South Beautiful! Put a Yankee on a Bus" sticker with Confederate Flag. Add to this that they were driving in both of the freakin lanes down Sumter street and I swear to goodness it took almost all my effort not to just ram them with my car! How I hate you ignorant hating self who can't pick a freakin lane! I just wanted to yell,"Stop being such an ass and start learning how to F'in drive!" However I managed to pull myself in and just give them that "you are evil" stare as I drove past them. Sigh...

Sigh..nothing like crying at your desk on a Wednesday afternoon.

I know this is random but what about me isn't? So today I ended up in a conversation about 9/11 with some people from work and I mentioned that of all the coverage the two things that most effected me where Peter Jennings almost crying on air and most of all Jon Stewart's speech on the first post-9/11 The Daily Show. This got me thinking about it and so being the good law clerk that I am (haha) I spent about 40 minutes tracking down the episode and re-watching it. Even after all this time Jon still made me cry. His speech is absolutely heart-wrenchingly beautiful with his slight inarticulation and choking back the tears. It reminds me of why I do love America problems and all. Well anyway if anyone wants to watch it here it is: Jon Stewart's Post 9/11 Speech Don't be daunted by the 22 minute running time. The first 9ish is his speech then it moves on to the rest of the episode which is still worth watching but not the true amazingness of Jon's monologue.

Holy Crap

Do you like Jesus and the Bible but feel that they are just not commercialized enough for you? Do you want your kids to experience the birthplace of Christianity without being forced to deal with those pesky other religions who claim Jerusalem is also a holy city for them? Well if so you are in luck because now there is a 100% Christian alternative and best of all You don't even have to leave the good old US of A. That's right folks we in America have reached a whole new level in commercialism because we now have The Holy Land Experience. Here you can learn about Jesus, eat a giant turkey leg, and get crucifixion action figures all in one convenient theme park. So next time you are in Orlando ignore that other theme park (because really isn't Disney just trying to set Mickey up as a false idol anyway?) and head on over to The Holy Land Experience.

Notes:
1. I should totally get hired to do publicity for this place. Clearly I would do an amazing job. I think I will send over my resume today.
2. I must credit Outside Report with cluing me in on this existence of the Holy Land Experience. Without them I would be without a Fall Break destination. Thanks Chris!

Fab Long Weekend!

So this weekend was one of the best I have had in awhile (excluding Europe)! It kicked off on Thursday with my roomie's bachelorette extravaganza - Gervais & Vine for a yummy dinner then off to PT's Caberet for the drag show. I wasn't even aware that Columbia had a drag club till last week but I must say there is only one way to describe it "Fab-u-lous, dahling!" It was a hella good time and fun was had by all (especially the bride who was more than a little worse for wear when I poured her into bed at about 2:30) . Friday was a bunch of last minute wedding running around complete with a brunch at Motor Supply Company, which was lovely- the food scrumptious and the company hilarious (it was good times even if the groom didn't manage to make it after the bachelor party funness and the bride was still rather hungover and thus forced to only eat toast). Because of all the last minute wedding stuff (and the partying of Thursday night), I played hooky from work so I actually got a chance to kinda chill for a little while which was great cause I have been feeling like I have been constantly on the go for the last couple of weeks.
Saturday was the wedding and it was absolutely beautiful. The bride was stunning and the ceremony was so touching that I will admit to crying a bit. There is nothing more amazing then seeing two people that you totally love and know that are completely perfect for each other celebrating that love in front of friends and family. It was good times, but the true good times came at the reception. This was hands-down the most fun I have ever had at a wedding. Seriously the reception was such a great time that I half expected Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn to crash! Alas that did not happen and the closest brush with celebrity was Sam Pancake (yes that is his real name) who is on Lovespring, International . I danced my little heart out along with everyone else till about 11:30 (and now have the aching legs and feet to prove it) and had a fab time. Luckily I managed to escape the bouquet during the toss, although I did have to do a bit of a dive to avoid it. And the best part of the whole night. . . not a single person asked me "Are you dating anyone?" or "Is that (points to bride) going to be you soon?" Talk about magical!
Sunday rounded out the great weekend by me getting to hang out with my best friend from high school who is in town from New Mexico. I hadn't seen her in over 3 years as she has been living overseas with her Air Force husband, so it was absolutely wonderful to see her. We have kept in touch through email and now that she is back in the states by phone but nothing beats getting to see someone you love in person.

All in all, a fantabulous weekend. After a week or two of self-doubt mixed with a pinch of self-pity at time it was just what the doctor ordered. I am now totally and completely exhausted but it was so worth it!

Sigh

So it has been less than 24 hours since I made my pledge to try to complain less about the little things in my life and instead focus on how lucky I am not to be involved in all the crap things happening in the world, and I have to say its really quiet hard. Currently the world is going to hell in a handbasket with the Middle East trying to blow each other up, earthquakes and a tsunami in Indonesia, floods in China, and a severe drought in Eastern Africa that has 11 million people facing starvation, yet still I find myself thinking "woe is me" thoughts throughout the day. Does it make me a bad person that I am already having trouble not thinking whiny thoughts about being stuck on an assignment I don't particularly enjoy at work or about how I feel like I need to get away and escape reality for a day or two? Cause it sure makes me have a not so fuzzy feeling about myself. I know you can't go around constantly worrying about all the world or you will be constantly miserable (I did it for awhile as a child when I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about all the little kids in Africa who were starving. All that happened is me ending up being depressed and sleep deprived. And before you ask, Yes, I do acknowledge I was a strange child), but I'm feeling that I need to step it up and stop being so me-centric and maybe become a bit more positive about all the great things in my life instead of focusing on the few things that annoy me about it.

A moment of somewhat preachy outrage

So I have somehow managed to go for about a week without getting all political but that is about to change. I just have to take this moment to say WTF?! What the hell is freakin wrong with Fox News?!!! Well actually there are zillions of things wrong with it (Fair and Balanced, my ass! More like the Bush Propaganda machine ), but I disgress. Normally I just avoid it like the plague so I don't get so freakin angry but as I was flipping I happened to see something that caught my eye. What you ask? Well, Fox was analysis the impending implosion of the Middle East and announced that what we as American's should be worrying about is how it will effect gas prices!!
Now I am all about saving some money cause God knows I am freakin poor and I would be the first one to do the happy dance if gas prices fell below $2.50, but damn! I mean seriously. . . Bigger issues here people! Hezbollah and Israel are bombing the hell out of one another and now Israel has troops entering Lebanon. Currently at least 200 Lebanese civilians and 12 Israeli civilians have been reported as dying as a result of the violence. This is about so much more than freakin gas prices! This is being described as one of the largest mass evacuations since World War II. Tens of thousands of people are trying to flee the area. Currently 25,000 Americans alone are trapped waiting for the American government to get around to helping them. (Oh side note on that, another WTF, the American government is freakin' making these citizens sign a promissory note before they are being evacuated!!)
I'm sorry this whole thing just pisses me off. I realize that its much easier to worry about things that are directly effecting you, and rising gas prices are definitely scary and important , but damn. It frightens me that instead of focusing on the human suffering and potential WWIII level violence that could erupt as a result of this, a major national news source tells me to freak out about how much gas prices may rise. Have we as a nation grown that uncaring about the plight of others? Have we grown so jaded that we look at innocent people dying and mass destruction and see only dollar signs? I desperately hope not.
So yes I am eventually going to worry about how gas prices are going to crush me, but for now I am going to instead take some time to think about all those innocent people who wish their biggest problem was paying 3 bucks for a gallon of gas. And yes in a day or two I am going to go back to bitching about all the stupid little stuff that ticks me off about my life but for now I am going to try to just be grateful. Tonight I am going to be going to bed without the worry that my apartment will get bombed during the middle of the night and the knowledge that my family is safe, and that is more than enough reason to feel good.

The Dangers of Procrastination

Its its 8 in the morning and aside from the 1.5 hour nap I took I have been up all night because I am a moron. Once again I let procrastination and zero motivation kick my ass. Instead of just freakin' buckling down and pounding out my exam, I slacked and procrastinated. And because I of this sucky behavior, I spent the night working on this stupid exam instead of sleeping. Why, oh why, do I make these stupid self-destructive decisions. Do I secretly hate myself or have some dormant desire to not succeed?

Grey's Anatomy wisdom to go with my lack thereof:
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

Sigh, back to working. On another note I found a new favorite song its "Waiting on my Real Life to Begin" by Colin Hay and it is absolutely beautiful. Only 99 cents on iTunes.

Music for Your Crisis - Avenue Q

If you need some music for your quarter life crisis, I highly recommend Avenue Q. Its a awesome music (won the 2004 Tony) about being 20 something and struggling to find jobs, dates, and the ever-elusive purpose of your life. I very much recommend. Oh and did I mention it has puppets and is very much an homage to the Sesame Street style show. Puppets and people who struggle with all the issues you do set to music with songs like "The Internet is For Porn" and "It Sucks to be Me". . . awesome!

Quarter Life Crisis

I am convinced that there is an epidemic of quarter life crises occurring in our country or at least among the people I know. What do I define as a quarter life crisis? Well, I think its 25 to 29 year olds who are getting out of college and graduate school and joining the workforce only to realize that their jobs or lack there of (and in some cases much of their life) falls considerably short of what they though they signed up for. We feel that we were lied to and sold a bill of goods that was inherently damaged. We were all told go to college and then maybe you will be virtually guaranteed a great job. I distinctly remember being told by a college advisor that I could "get a job doing anything" with my undergrad degree in sociology evidently I missed the part where she said "of course that is only if you go to law school, med school or some other graduate school and even then 'anything' might be limited to working at Wendy's or the Gap." Not that there is anything wrong with working at either of those places but I did not spend 7 years of higher education and hundreds of thousands of dollars to say "Would you like to make that a combo" or "Would you like to apply for your Gap card and save an extra 10%"

Lately I have been struggling with the feeling that maybe somewhere along the way I made a horrible mistake that sent me down the wrong life path. Not a bad path, but just one that is not for me. I am thinking that maybe I should have just gone to tech and saved myself the pain of higher education and its woes. And I know that I am not alone! This week I chatted with my aunt (27) about my uncle who is in his late 20s with a masters degree and he is one of the youngest assistant principals in his school district and pretty much their shining star. Currently he is daydreaming of running away from his job and starting up his own lawn mowing or pool cleaning and repair company (in fact I was offered a spot in this new venture). He most likely won't ever do it but just that fact that he fantasizes about walking away from a career that took him 6 years of higher education and about the same in work experience to achieve is disturbing. A few more of my friends each went to college and spent 2 years getting masters only to spend the past few months temping, being unemployed, or working retain at the mall. What the hell is up with that?

What is wrong with this picture? Is it worse for us because we went into our higher education in one of the best job markets for employment seekers and came out in some of the worst? Is it worse for use because of the horrible economy and that we are the first generation predicted to be less financially secure than our parents generation? Some have said that that we are just spoiled and overly sensitive about "paying our dues" and in reality every generation of college/graduate school grads has this crash with reality. Are we really just sitting in our ivory towers and complaining about how high it is? I'm inclined to say no and that we are entering a brand new age that has us facing a brand new set of problems, but if I'm wrong why the hell didn't our parents warn us?

Hypocrisy and Intellectual Snobbery

So after my first post I got a comment about how maybe the things I hate about my fellow law students are the things that I secretly hate about myself. And since I did just announce that I think of myself as an honest person I feel the need to examine this idea. Well, in some ways that is completely off base such as me hating them such as blind ambition and willingness to do anything and everything for a spot at a top law firm (top = highest salary) because I really am not that type of girl. What I want in a job is not a corner office and tons of frantic law clerks to order around but instead one that pays the bills, has decent hours, doesn't make me feel like I sold my soul to the corporate whores, and don't make me feel like I have to watch out for a knife in my back.

Now on to the things that probably do describe me. I hate to say it but I am a hypocrite. Not in all aspects of life but in some. I firmly believe that we all are in our own way. Do I like that I am, no not really. Do I think that I can realistically change, no not really. My biggest moments of hypocrisy usually involve me saying something that is passing a judgment on those who judge others. On numerous occasions I hear myself saying, "I just don't like X, he/she is always so intolerant of people unlike him/her. X is always making judgments and criticizing those people." Then I have to be like What do you think you are doing right freakin now? Yes I know its hypocritical but I justify it to myself as somehow being morally superior because well I am only condemning those who do it to others already. I am intolerant of others people's intolerance.

My other big offense: Intellectual snobbery. All throughout my childhood I went to crap schools where I was the smartest kid in my year and probably top 5 for the whole school. This is not because I was so freakishly brilliant but instead I was above average and blessed with supportive and educated parents in a school system where most of my classmates had parents with a middle-school/ partial high school education. I had parents who pushed for excellence and knew how to nurture and support me to get there - my homework was monitored, report cards checked, and spelling vocabulary quizzes in the car on the way to school. Unfortunately that was not all I had, I had the constant adoration of my teachers. Although my parents were proud of me and complemented me on a job well done they were sure to try to instill in me humility and the idea that someone out there always knew more, but my teachers looked at me as sent from heaven. I was worse than a teacher's pet. I was someone they put on a pedestal for all to marvel at my greatness. When everyone around you tells you how amazing you are you start to believe it. I was insufferable I truly believed that being smart equaled being better than someone else. At 15, I transferred to a much more challenging school, but I still skated through with little to no effort and found myself going to a top 20 university. In college I did truly understand that I was not the smartest kid there but still a little voice inside me head (and many outside voices of classmates) said "even if you are only slightly above average here that still means you are better than 98% of the rest of the population" I was so smug in my intellectual superiority. "Oh, you went to state school . . . Well that's nice. Me? Oh I go to ABC" Looking back its a wonder no one decked me. Then came law school. I realized that everyone around me is "one of the smartest kids in their class" and as I watched my class (me included) I realized that education does not equal better. How can you be the "better" person if you are so self-involved and self-important that you worship at the alter of yourself? Better people are the people who give so much of themselves and then apologize for not giving more. Better people are the people who remain humble and generous and who make others around them feel better about themselves.

I spent the first 20ish years of my life making myself feel better by putting others down and marveling at my own intellectual superiority. I refuse to continue. I wont lie and say that I am now totally reformed. I still shy away from dating anyone that isn't at least college educated and I still catch myself getting a little zing when I take on online intelligence test that puts me in a high percentile, but hey I'm human. Everyone likes to feel special and above the cut at times, the important thing is not to use that feeling as a weapon against others.

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For those of you in the audience wondering if I realize that this blog will most likely cast me in the light of a less than nice person (some would even say a bitch) the answer is yes. I am completely aware of it. I have never made any promises or proclamations that I am or have ever been a nice person. I mean I think I have nice moments but for the most part I think that I am rather jaded and sometimes more than a bit harsh to others. Of course I try to work on it and be nicer and more forgiving but honestly when you have a semi-anonymous blog (ie only your close friends who already know what type of person you are know you are the author) its more than a little alluring to go back over to the dark side and speak your mind 100%. I don't think this makes me a bad person. I think it makes me an honest one.

Confession 1

I pretty much hate everyone at law school. There I have said it. I hate them with their smugness and their attitude that they are so much better then everyone else. I hate them for their snobbery and for this hypocrisy. I hate them for their uniform of a polo, a pair of khaki pants, and mirrored sunglasses hanging around their necks on croakies for the guys and a cute skirt, cut too low top, and a pound of makeup for the girls. I hate them for their willingness to run-over everyone and everything in their way of making top dollar in a corner office at the much touted Nelson Mullins. They are all willing to sell their souls to the devil to make it to the top. But what I hate about them even more is that every once in a while I find myself envying them. How can that be you gasp. Well its simple I envy how they can easily shrug off the misery of law school 'cause in their minds its worth it when they can be the one to torture the next generation of law clerks with summarization of 200+ page depositions or spend days researching only to be told that the project is shelved, while I trudge along thinking that maybe I don't belong here in the first place.