Tuesday, November 28, 2006

"Pick me, Choose me, Employ me"

So boys and girls the time has finally come...I have my first real adult job interview this Friday. It’s for a clerkship with a circuit court judge and I am primarily excited and nervous yet somehow still a little apathetic. The first worry is the interview itself... What writing sample is the right one? How will I convince someone I am capable and qualified when I don't feel that I am either? Basically in 3 days I have to create the Me that is excited about the law, intelligent, ready to take on any challenge, self-confident, and excited to be a lawyer and hide the Me that is apathetic, bitter, disillusioned about the legal system, and so full of doubts about my legal abilities that it is amazing I function. In essence I must rediscover the "me" that got accepted to law school and has since been beaten into submission by 3 years of school, summer legal experience, and getting to know more attorneys. And to add to it, exams start next week so my forthcoming obsession about preparing for the interview then over analyzing every word said will directly interfere with my already lacking exam preparation. Ugh.
Now on to the job itself: On one hand, clerkships are good experience, look good on resumes and it means I won't have to work at a soul-sucking firm. The job seems like it could be okay and at the very least it has good M-F 8-5 hours, state benefits, and the state holiday schedule. But on the hand, I'm still not sure I even want a legal job never mind a job with a judge, and by taking the interview I have basically said that if he picks me I will take the job. It doesn't sound all that exciting (but truthfully no legal jobs do) and it could be really intense. Clearly this guy likes the law and knows more than a bit about it. How will I be able to survive a year or two of a job where I am expected to actually know the law? Will this just beat out the small amount of self-confidence I have left regarding my intelligence and ability to have a career? I don't want to bite off more than I can chew and end up sucking. Then again maybe I will know the law by the time the bar rolls around and clerkships are usually classified as learning experiences. Sigh... decisions.
Ultimately I know this interview is a good thing and I hope I get the job. It would be amazing to no longer have the lack of job dangling over my head like the Sword of Damocles. It would be nice to have something in my future settled and to be able to plan knowing what my financial situation will be like and where I will be living. Logically, I know I have a decent shot and obviously I don't suck too badly or I wouldn't have even gotten an interview, but that is hard to truly believe. I just have to ignore my insecurities and be bold.

2 comments:

Lisa said...

You need theme music to get you in the right frame of mind for you interview. I kid you not - it can help.

We should have a contest to help Megan pick her theme music. Something ass-kicking might help.

You go, tiger!

asbeeus said...

My vote for Meg's Theme Song:

"I want you to want me!", Cheap Trick, Live version, unless that is to needy for your theme song, then

Maybe John Mayer's "No Such Thing", but if that is cynical, then perhaps

Johnny Cash's "Personal Jesus," or a final suggestion

Kings of Leon "Four Kicks," which is a very kick a** and take names later kinda song.