A Little Note for My Neighbor

Dear people who live next door to me,

The reason I am writing is to inform you that you are a part of this thing called a neighborhood and thus have these things called neighbors. Neighbors are the people who live near you (like me next door) and thus hear and see things coming from your home and yard. Living in a community and not on an Australian Outback sheep farm means that you are neighbors with others people and thus get certain benefits and certain responsibilities. The benefits include me calling the fire department if your house is on fire, the ability to borrow a cup of sugar, your kids being able to ride the school bus, and living in civilization. However these rewards come with some responsibilities that you are clearly unaware of so let me inform you.
1) turn your f'in music down. No one wants to hear your crappy ass musical taste all the damn time, especially not late at night. Do you hear music blaring from my house? NO, because I have consideration for others. Unless you are deaf (which would pretty much defeat the point of music) turn it down or at the very least close your window for some level of sound proofing. Some people, unlike you evidently, have jobs and commitments and thus need to get some sleep at night.
2) Take control of your children. Sure they seem to be fairly sweet kids most of the time, but evidently you feed them liquid crack for breakfast because every morning at 7ish as they are outside waiting for the bus carrying-on and screaming like possessed rabid animals . If it's my neighborly duty to buy your kids cookie dough or band cheesecake then its yours to make them shut the hell up before the sun comes up.
3) Get a damn muffler for your car! A lack of muffler is annoying all the time, but especially annoying when you insist on driving up and down your driveway multiple times in the middle of the night. If you need same cash for it then sell of one of the 8 gazillion speakers you have for your above mentioned stereo that causes my bed to literally shake at some points.
4) Don't have loud and intense fights outside. Keep those domestic disturbances inside where they belong. I don't want to be woken at 3 in the morning to you yelling at your spouse/ live-in significant other/ baby daddy (or momma)/ or crack ho' you picked up on the corner. And I especially do not want to have to engage in the ethical dilemma of if I should or should not call the police after I hear you threaten to "shoot a bitch" Please just do all of us a favor and go inside.

I could go on but I think you see the point. You are not alone in the neighborhood or for that matter the world. Show a little consideration for your fellow man. Oh and be glad I move next week or I would probably beat you down.

Sincerely,
Apathetic Law Student